Shattered
by nancy fan
Summary: Veronica struggles to cope in the wake of Lilly Kane's death.


**Although I've been active writing in other fandoms, this is my first time writing for Veronica Mars. Shattered is set in the weeks prior to the pilot episode. **

**I hope everyone enjoys!**

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Veronica's stomach sank as the drone of the alarm slowly roused her from her sleep and signaled the beginning of another dreaded week. Through slitted eyes, she gazed with confusion at the unfamiliar forms that took shape fuzzily in the dark before remembering that her former bedroom with the kingsized bed she could sprawl luxuriously out on was gone and this small, cramped apartment was her new home. Well, kind of new home because Veronica couldn't imagine calling any place a home from which her mother was absent, gone god knows where, leaving only a crappy musical box behind and a whole lot of grief. Veronica missed her mother, missed the cosy, tight family unit they shared, though she rarely admitted it to her father, preferring instead to gripe and complain bitterly about the woman who gave birth to her. She could hear her father humming some obscure song in the kitchen and the clatter of pots and cutlery and Veronica smiled. Bacon, she realized happily, the comforting thought of a hot breakfast the impetus she needed to pull her from the cosy warmth of her bed to face the hell of another day at school.

Clothes which had previously been spread across an entire wall of wardrobe space were now confined to one small closet and rummaging through the tightly packed space, Veronica deliberated for only a moment before halfheartedly selecting a worn cotton shirt and an equally tired pair of jeans. Where before Veronica would have fretted unnecessarily over a prom dress or choice of outfit to wear on a date with Duncan she now didn't care, her newly cropped locks perhaps the biggest indicator of her blatant disinterest in her looks.

Wandering bleary-eyed into the bathroom, Veronica mechanically squeezed out some toothpaste from the almost empty tube of Colgate, the perfunctory glance in the mirror, an unnecessary reminder of how different she looked from the old Veronica, the blonde pep rally member who hung adoringly from Duncan Kane's arm.

_I'm no longer that girl, _she reminded herself dully as she reached for her toothbrush, the action unbalancing a decorative mirror propped against the window and the resulting smash of glass jolted Veronica to her senses. "For fucks sake," Veronica mumbled irately under her breath before clapping a hand over her mouth, hoping belatedly that her father had not heard her. Veronica was certain Keith Mars would not appreciate her colorful use of language.

"That's seven years of bad luck, honey," Keith's voice sounded cheerfully from the kitchen, the hiss of bacon informing her that her much anticipated breakfast was almost ready.

"You forget that I'm not superstitious," Veronica shot back wryly, sighing in frustration as she picked her way carefully over the glass strewn floor.

Every element of Veronica's life had been torn apart in the wake of Lilly's murder and it was laughable that merely breaking a mirror could make matters any worse. She had lost Duncan, she hadn't seen her mother in months and had been rendered a social pariah at school. The threat posed by a broken mirror didn't seem quite so formidable in comparison. Grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder, Veronica left her room and joined her father for breakfast.

--

Neptune was a place of perpetual sunshine, the skies always the same uniform shade of blue but this morning it was depressingly dreary, the dark clouds looming overhead threatening to burst at any moment. Her keys clutched tightly in her closed fist, Veronica wandered over to her car, shivering in spite of herself. It had rained the day Lilly had been buried, the clouds the same miserable black and rain still commanded the same effect on Veronica, reminding her of all she had lost the day some crazed psychopath had bashed her best friend's brains in.

Twisting the dials on her radio, Veronica stopped when she landed on a fittingly depressing song. School had become a nightmare. She sat in class on her own, ate lunch on her own. Nobody even talked to her.

_And it was only Monday, _Veronica reminded herself with a mournful sigh.

Carefully making the turn onto the road that led to Neptune High, Veronica's groaned in annoyance as her car spluttered and choked before finally coming to an undignified halt in the middle of a slow moving line of traffic.

"What the hell?" she sighed as she emerged reluctantly from the car to the chorus of grumbled curses and honking of horns from the now stopped line of cars behind her.

Ignoring them, Veronica stepped out of the car and shrugged resignedly, the first of the rain plopping heavily down as she opened the bonnet of the car and investigated what she already suspected would be a costly alternator replacement.

Forty minutes later and Veronica was in the bathroom of Neptune High, trying unsuccessfully to dry off her now sopping clothes. Usually clogged with students reapplying make-up and eagerly pouring over the latest tit-bits of gossip, the bathroom was mercifully quiet, first period having already begun. For the first time since she'd forlornly left the hair salon, Veronica was thankful of her new cropped locks, the blonde hair having already begun to dry, albeit in a distinctly untidy manner. Her clothes were another matter, the purple of her bra glaringly visible under the clinging wet of her shirt and her jeans were drenched, the heavy denim sticking uncomfortably to her skin.

Bending under the hand dryer, Veronica rubbed vigorously at her wet shirt, the sound of someone pushing in the heavy door causing her to look up. The sight of Madison Sinclair strutting over to the mirror, the heady smell of her perfume engulfing the air made Veronica audibly sigh, Daughter of one of the richest families in Neptune, Madison relished in all the privileges her cosseted background provided her. Clad in designer clothes from head-to-toe, Madison flashed her father's gold card around in typical 09'er fashion, compensating for her seemingly non existent personality with an abundance of money. Finding the girl vapid and somewhat of a bully, Veronica had never really liked Madison but even she had been surprised at the other girl's treatment of her. While most of the 09er group were now content with simply ignoring Veronica, passing her on corridors and looking straight through her like she didn't even exist, Madison went out of her way to be a total bitch. Even now, Veronica could feel Madison's cold blue eyes on her, looking her up and down, judging her.

Maybe her father was right. Maybe breaking the mirror really would result in seven years of bad luck. The car breaking down she could handle, even the walk to school in the icy rain had been tolerable but another minute spent with Madison Sinclair and Veronica was certain she was going to scream.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Madison sneered, with a predictability that was laughable in itself. Not the brightest of girls, Madison's put downs were never very inventive and that knowledge alone provided some comfort to Veronica. Her lips carefully pursed, Madison dabbed on some cherry-pink lipgloss waiting for Veronica's biting retort and was disappointed when she got none. "I heard Duncan' was with Carrie Bishop last night." she tried again, gratified at the darkening expression on Veronica's face. "It seems he's has enough of cheap, skanky blondes."

"You mean like you," Veronica retorted icily before she could stop herself, hating to give Madison the satisfaction of rising to her bait.

"No, I mean like you, Veronica," Madison countered, the look of utter disdain on her face almost palpable. "You know, the girl who has no boyfriend, no friends, nothing." she taunted, shooting Veronica a tight, bitchy smile before flipping her bottle blonde hair over her shoulder and flouncing out onto the corridor.

Her departure wasn't a second too soon, Veronica certain that if Madison had lingered a moment longer she would have decked her square in the face and that pearly, orthodontic perfected smile wouldn't have been quite so flawless anymore.

Though her shirt was still damp, her underwear was now at least less visible under the stiff cotton, a discarded sweater from her locker providing the ultimate cover-up. Her jeans had been harder to dry and for now a quick run under the hand dryer and the bottoms rolled up, so they were off the floor would have to do. Running her fingers hastily through her clumsily dried hair, Veronica quickly negotiated the short distance to class acutely aware that her twenty minute tardiness would not make her popular with Ms. Hauser, her dragon-like health education teacher.

The hallways were predictably empty and Veronica rolled her eyes in annoyance on spotting Logan Echolls' familiar arrogant swagger as he ambled nonchalantly into the classroom before her. Veronica's relationship with Logan was complicated, the pair foisted upon one another through his dual connection as both Lilly's boyfriend and Duncan's best friend. Despite his infuriating arrogance, Veronica had quickly grown to like Logan Echolls but things had grown deniably ugly in the weeks following Lilly's death.

Logan hadn't so much as looked at her since, blaming her as much as her father for the blackening of the Kane name. And Veronica had equally kept her distance from the son of the famed Aaron Echolls, disappointed that he'd turned his back on her, the one time she needed an ally most.

"Good of you to join us, Veronica," Ms. Hauser greeted her sardonically, before returning her eyes to the words of the various forms of birth control she was scribbling on the chalk board. "I was just informing Mr. Echolls he would be joining Mr. Rooks for detention this evening. I'm glad to see he'll have company."

The explanation that had been on the tip of her tongue died at the look of exasperation on the teacher's face.

_What was the point? She probably wouldn't believe me anyway._

The reason Logan Echolls was late, had probably far more to do with a willing sophomore and a case of beers than a broken-down car but Veronica doubted if Ms. Hauser cared enough to make the differentiation.

Sighing resignedly, Veronica stalked irritably down to her seat, and flung her bag onto the floor with more force than was necessary. She considered slamming her books onto the top of her desk for good measure but decided against the action spotting Ms. Hauser's hawk-like gaze upon her.

The way things were going that day, she would probably end up expelled.

--

Detention. One hundred and twenty minutes of her life, Veronica would never get back. The general school population had obviously been on their best behavior that day as besides herself and a trio of sullen freshmen, the classroom was otherwise empty.

Logan was of course late; rules and discipline never being one of his strong points but even so, Veronica was surprised when he finally made it into the classroom and even more so, when he casually collapsed into the seat beside her and started reviewing the calculus assignment that Veronica knew was due the following day.

Veronica had completed hers over a week ago.

Leafing through her copy of Othello, Veronica began diligently considering the characterization of Iago, determined to use the enforced extra time at school productively. Beside her, Logan sighed in frustration.

Tentatively glancing over in his direction, Veronica noted the angry red lines he had scrawled through his textbook and the crumpled sheets of paper that lay discarded on the desk in front of him. Calculus evidently wasn't another strong point of his.

Turning back to her Shakespeare, Veronica scanned the text unconcerned. She owed Logan Echolls nothing. Veronica could complete that calculus assignment with her eyes closed but she would be damned if she was going to help Logan with anything, after the way he had treated her. Underlining a possibly useful quote, Veronica was about to transcribe the words into her notepad when the continued sound of his grumbling forced her to turn to him irritably.

"I'm trying to work here," she spat out through gritted teeth, pushing away her book resignedly and looking to Mr. Rooks, the supervising teacher for support.

"Get back to work, Mr. Echolls," Mr. Rooks demanded curtly, his impatience clear as he looked up from the sizable stack of History assignments he was slowly working through. "And less of the dramatics unless you want to spend the rest of the week in detention."

"I would get back to work, if I could," Logan shrugged in an annoyingly casual manner. "But since that _lovely_ maths teacher of mine is incapable of actually teaching any maths, the problem is that I haven't a bloody clue." His emphasis on the lovely making it clear he considered his maths teacher anything but.

"Well, maybe if you spent more time in class actually listening than messing at the back with Dick and Casey, then you wouldn't be in this mess. Veronica was unable to resist cutting in cattily as she rolled her eyes in disbelief.

"What, are you a teacher now or something?" Logan scoffed, clearly about to add colorfully to his comment when a loud roar from Mr. Rooks silenced them both.

"Logan, shut the hell up. I don't want to hear your voice for the next hour and a half or whatever is left of this goddamn detention. Clear?"

Nodding mutely, Logan smirked as Rooks turned his attention onto Veronica.

"And Veronica," he directed with some amusement at the scowling teen. "Since you seem to be such an authority on Mr. Echoll's academic failings, you would be the perfect candidate to assist him with his work. Agreed?"

Veronica seemed poised to challenge the obvious unfairness of the ruling but quickly reconsidered seeing the look of utter exasperation on Rook's face.

"Agreed," she replied tightly, her eyes blazing as she pulled her chair up beside Logan, the legs scraping noisily over the floor demonstrating her displeasure at the request.

Logan seemed more amused than disgusted, the smirk on his face evident as he pushed his open textbook in front of Veronica's face. "I think you'll find I'm on the first one,"

"Don't push it," Veronica hissed, her cheeks reddening in anger as she practically pulled the book from his hands. "I'm the one helping you, remember? Piss me off anymore and the only thing you'll learn is the amount of pain these boots can inflict, when I kick you in the balls."

"You're feisty today," he countered, but fell silent after that, his quick glance at her boots no doubt making the decision for him.

The mood restored to some semblance of civility, Veronica looked over his hesitant attempts at answering the first couple of questions. It was clear he didn't understand even the simple basics of calculus, much less the more complex concepts that he was expected to have grasped to complete the assignment.

"Have you been to class at all this year?" she sighed in utter helplessness sensing the sheer enormity of the task ahead. Archimedes himself couldn't bring Logan up to speed before the assignment was due in the morning.

"I've been," he shrugged, doodling idly in the margin of the page to avoid making eye-contact with Veronica. "But I guess, I haven't really been paying much attention."

"You think?" Veronica retorted, shaking her head in disbelief at his laissez faire attitude.

"It's been hard to concentrate on anything, really since Lilly died, you know," he replied, his eyes still fixed on the outline of some comic book figure he was doodling.

And Veronica did know. Probably more than Logan would ever know. Logan at least retained some semblance of his former life, still hung out with the same friends albeit without Lilly. Veronica had been left with nothing. But despite everything as she gazed at Logan thoughtfully, Veronica couldn't help but feel some small amount of pity for him. In front of Dick and Casey and Beaver Logan put up a hard front but behind that tough exterior, she was certain he was just as lost as herself.

"It's been hard," Veronica agreed and for a short moment their eyes met in understanding before Logan resumed his downwards stare.

Pulling her own copy of the textbook from her bag, Veronica deftly flicked through the pages until she reached the introductory chapter on calculus. "Okay," she began, pointedly pulling away Logan's artistic efforts and forcing his attention to the example printed on the opening page. "Let's start on this one and see how we get on,"

The minutes ticked away with surprising rapidity and before Veronica realized what was happening, the scraping of chairs and shuffling of feet, alerted her to the fact that the much dreaded detention was over. What was more surprising though, was the fact that she hadn't actually hated it as much as she thought.

"Thanks Veronica," Logan grinned as he dropped his maths book into his backpack and zipped it noisily up. "Now, maybe I won't flunk out as bad as last time."

"You'd better not flunk out after me spending the entire evening explaining it to you," Veronica warned him with a playful smile as she slung her bag onto her shoulder and headed for the door where an impatient Mr. Rooks was busy shepherding students out the door.

"Look, Veronica thanks again, okay," he finished, reaching out to hand her a pen she'd left absentmindedly on the desk. His fingers brushed against hers accidentally and he pulled away instantaneously as though they were red hot pokers.

The next day, Veronica was carefully selecting books from her locker when the sight of Logan ambling along the corridor in his typically laid-back, 'I don't give a shit' fashion forced a smile onto Veronica's face in spite of her very crappy morning.

"How did the assignment go?" she smiled, the words dying on her lips at the blank look on his face. He didn't acknowledge her, didn't even glance in her direction, just carried on the 'Let's ignore Veronica' charade that had been working so well for the 09er gang ever since Sheriff Mars had declared war on the Kane family.

Veronica hadn't cried since Lilly's funeral, not even when her mother had left her with only a unicorn musical box as supposed proof of her love but inexplicably she felt the tears flow as she watched Logan walk cooly away, never looking back once.

_Don't let them get to you now, _Veronica instructed herself firmly as she swiped an impatient hand across her eyes and banged her locker shut. Slinging her bag over her shoulder, Veronica held her head up high as she stalked into the classroom past Logan and Dick and his other cronies, the group leering shamelessly at some passing freshmen.

She'd survived the last few months, she'd survive this. Collapsing resolutely into her seat, Veronica pulled her book out of her bag and diligently prepared for class. All around her, classmates giggled and gossiped and laughed.

Veronica was almost relieved when Mr. Hall's familiar drone started up and she was granted forty precious minutes in which she didn't need to pretend for a while.


End file.
